Renovation as Inter-Generational Trauma Healer
It's been 4 months of upheaval but the kitchen is finally (almost) done and I couldn't help but see this renovation process as a metaphor for healing inter-generational trauma.
In September, I had asbestos-laden linoleum removed from the kitchen only to be notified that there were not one but two--make that not two but three--layers of toxic 20th century flooring to be removed. The dining room had two layers to remove and the living room just a fun taupe-colored layer of lead paint which I scraped and sanded off the floors myself. Which led to many an acupuncture and chiropractor appointment for my lower back.
My kitchen before and after renovation
Once the three linoleum layers in the kitchen were gone, the 90's era cabinets were now 2+ inches above the original farmhouse floor, which was itself too knotty, warped and gouged to be usable anymore. One side of the kitchen was 2 inches lower than the other, so a new subfloor was built and another leveling subfloor onto that before the final cork floor top layer could go in.
The original kitchen floor under layers of asbestos linoleum
All this lead paint and asbestos remediation was removing layers of material no one acknowledged as toxic at the time. Each time the moment came to either rip up the old or layer over it, scrape the paint or paint over it, the people who came before me decided to layer. It's what many of us do with a toxic emotional inheritance passed from generation to generation, too.
It makes a lot of sense - it is way cheaper and easier to keep on layering over the past. I judged these decisions by my predecessors at first, but it’s turned out that I’ve needed to layer over a few things along the way myself as I renovate this 1860's farmhouse. Some parts would crumble and make a huge mess, others I no longer had the energy to do.
Many eras of wallpaper
Healing or home renovation—it takes personal stamina, time, and resources to be able to take a break from the usual programming and live in a torn-up space for some span of time. Acknowledging that the subfloor is fucked and everyone prior did a hard pass when it came to the leveling, scraping, revealing, sanding, finishing and the responsible disposal required. Addressing the foundations and removing inherited toxic layers in order to discover, preserve and showcase the gorgeous original material beneath. The process is revelatory, but it makes a huge mess. It hurts and makes you tired. At some point, you're too far in to turn back but nowhere near the end, and the only way out is through. But it's so worth the wait and everything that aches.
The Feng Shui journey for this room (ancestors and wealth sectors of the bagua/map) has been unfolding, stay tuned! 📺 I'm excited to share that with you in a future post.